For over 25 years I have been studying the effects of Extraordinary Experiences (EEs) on bereaved people. These events are spontaneous, not summoned, and those who experience them are convinced that they come from an external source: their deceased loved one or a Supreme Being.
There are numerous positive effects of these encounters, one of which is the conviction on the part of the bereaved that consciousness survives bodily death and the loved one lives on. Next up is an unusual EE that had three positive effects on the receiver in addition to the two just mentioned.
The recipient of this experience was a devoted wife who helped her husband for many months through prostate cancer. As she said: “Being present when he was dying was an incredibly profound experience that changed my life. However, I knew that his time was very short and that he would not die in my presence, as he wanted to spare me sadness. He passed away shortly after I went home that last night.
In his own words, here is his Extraordinary Experience.
“My EE occurred approximately 30 hours after Peter’s death. I woke up around 7:00
am and I saw my ‘Happy Birthday’ balloon in my room. I had ordered flowers
and the balloon for my birthday two weeks before. I hadn’t bought a balloon for
years, but this turned out to be significant. During the four days that she had been home
hospice care, floated on the ceiling of the room where we spent time talking
and watch TV (“hang out,” he called it). This balloon had never left that
previous room, and would have had to go up and down through two doors to reach
the bedroom, so I knew it had to happen on its own.
When I saw the balloon that morning, I immediately knew it was a message from him that he had arrived at his destination and he wanted to thank me for taking care of him. I walked down a short hallway to the front door to get the newspaper, and when I came back the balloon was in her bathroom. He had told me before that since his shower was better than mine, I should use his bathroom after he left. I felt like the balloon reminded me of that, so I took a shower there right away.
The rest of the morning the balloon would be in whatever room I was in, although I never actually saw it move. I would just look up and see it with me. This lasted a few hours, then it was over. The balloon lost all its air and to this day it sits on a shelf next to a jade plant in my sunroom. I felt like this episode was a moment of magic and joy in the midst of my new overwhelming sadness.”
This experience was a major factor in how Marilyn was able to cope with her great loss. I asked her what was most useful to her. She said: “The moment of the experience set the tone for my grieving process: the happy images (balloon, etc.) were immediately linked with the sad ones (Peter’s moments of death). In addition, the encounter assured me that his Suffering was over. Ultimately, the details of this EE seemed designed by Peter to be a very personal and unique message to me.”
These three elements are critical to understand. Setting the tone for grief means knowing that all is well, albeit sad, and that all is not lost. Reassurance is an important factor in coming to terms with your loss (an important task of grief) knowing that your grief is over. And finally, realizing the personal meaning of the message adds to the peace of mind and your belief that love lives on.
Experiences like Marilyn’s have happened to millions of people in a variety of different ways, from feeling the presence of the deceased or having a vision to hearing the voice of a loved one or experiencing a visiting dream. The general public is not aware of the frequency of these contacts or the degree of help they provide to the bereaved. They remain another example of the mystery of life.