Do you know the difference between real and fake love? Like any counterfeit item or feature, it can be tricky to tell what’s real from what’s fake. Sometimes even the experts can’t tell what is genuine and what isn’t.
Fake things resemble real things in many ways. The facade can look exactly like the actual item. Hollywood sets with their cardboard exteriors are good examples of this. So when it comes to falling in love, if the object of your affection looks good, sounds reasonable, and seems to feel the same way you do, you may not understand that he or she is not what you think they are.
What are the defining characteristics that can tell you what is real and what is fake? What are the warning signs to watch out for?
Essentially, fake love fades as soon as the chemistry wears off. But love endures, showing itself in the actions and deeds of the two people.
These are the signs of false love:
Fake love, which is just chemistry, lasts anywhere from three weeks to a year and a half and then goes away. Real love loses the immediacy of the chemical high, but retains the chemistry as it grows deeper and calmer. The beginning of both types of love is marked by obsession. For a time, the two lovers can think of nothing but the other. They may lose weight, lose sleep, and lose all concept of time. For them there is nothing but the other person. When this chemical high wears off, the true image of the person emerges for them. All of the above implies… time.
Fake love, based primarily on physical intimacy, is what two people assume about each other. They cannot see future problems. Idealized qualities, lives built on fantasy, and a perfect life together dominate their thoughts. Each insists that the other is the best person they have ever met. The problem is that they haven’t really PLACES each other yet. They relate to their idealized version. When this cyclone of projection ends and the dust settles, the real person emerges. Then they can decide if they are right for each other.
False love feeds on the things of fairy tales. The women of history want a prince charming. They will have riches, happiness, love and all dreams will come true. The man in the story, who feels like a frog and may even look like one, is kissed by the princess. He miraculously turns into a handsome and handsome Prince. When two people get together and fall into the chemical cocktail, they may unconsciously fall into this stylized story. Only when the chemicals wear off do they really show up. They may like each other, in which case true love will develop. Or, the chemicals turn toxic, the guy turns back into a frog, and she finds another prince.
4. The future
When two people meet and fall in love with chemistry, they can start planning their future together in a matter of weeks. Their “true” selves aren’t talking to each other here: it’s their spiced, fried, scrambled brain that can’t be trusted to make clear decisions.
What is REAL love like? It is able to pass the chemistry phase and enter real time. Fake love involves conflict, drama, and pain, once the chemistry wears off. True love evolves into service, thought, care and sincere emotions for the other. True love shows itself in acts of love, over and over again, without anyone keeping score. True love responds to the needs of the other, flowing effortlessly from one day to the next.