I often hear from wives who are concerned that they have waited too long (or not done enough) to save their troubled marriages. Many tell me that they think it has been too long before trying to make a positive change, so they worry that there really is nothing they can do to fix what has been broken for a long time. And many are not at peace with this and do not want to give up. Many of these wives are looking for some effort to repair their marriage before they are forced to throw in the towel.
I often hear comments like “when is it too late to save or fix your marriage? Because I worry that it is too late for us. Sometimes, I think that there is nothing left or that our relationship has gone so far that there is nothing. “. I’m going to save him. “
Frankly, it is my opinion that it is almost never too late. I have seen couples who have divorced and remarried. I have seen couples who had started to bond with other people get back together. And I’ve seen couples who can’t even bear to be in the same room eventually turn things around. In short, I have seen marriages that have long been left to rebound with a little effort, luck, and diligence. I will discuss more about this matter in the next article.
If you’re concerned that it’s too late to save your marriage, you may be right because your fears can turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy: I often hear wives say things like “I’m not ready to give up on my marriage. In fact, I still love my husband, but I know it’s too late for us.” This is so unfortunate because the wife will give up, but will make sure that she is absolutely right about it being too late. If you allow these fears and assumptions to prevent you from taking real action, then you are practically guaranteeing that you will get precisely what you do not want and what you fear most.
If you really want and intend to save your marriage, then you’d better promise to take a measured approach, do your best, and wait and see what happens before making potentially dangerous assumptions. It is often best not to attempt to quantify emotions and relationships that often don’t fit into neat little categories. Focus on what you can control and try to believe that if you do it right, all the other pieces will fall into place.
Times when it may be too late to save the marriage: There are some cases where I have observed that the marriage is more likely to end. These are cases where one spouse has abused another (or the couple’s children) and simply cannot or will not make any permanent changes to make sure this stops.
Another case where the marriage sometimes ends is when both parties have become completely indifferent and are not engaged. What I mean by that is that no one is angry, fearful or jealous anymore. Both parties are at peace with the decision to end the marriage because they both know that it came to a natural end and that although they did everything they could to avoid it, they fell short anyway.
However, I have to say that most of the time, this is not the situation that I see. Most of the time, at least one of the spouses is indifferent. Although it is a bit more difficult to save the marriage when one of the spouses is indifferent (or thinks they are), it is not impossible if the willing spouse can make some notable and necessary changes on their own.
Cases in which it is not too late to fix your marriage: Often times, I will hear people tell me that they are sure their marriage is too far away. They will confess that they and their spouse tell each other that they hate each other, fight all the time, or are unfaithful. It’s like they believe that if they can rack up a bunch of negative descriptions, I’ll finally give in and admit, “Okay, your marriage is too far away. It can’t be saved.”
This almost never happens. Why? Because if people have taken the time to find me and then ask me about their marriage, they certainly are not indifferent to what happens to them. So, it is obvious that at least one of the spouses is still somewhat committed and is not indifferent. And frankly, it doesn’t always matter that they hate each other or are constantly fighting. Sure, they will have to change these emotions and behaviors. But the presence of strong (even negative) emotions at least shows me that mutual indifference is not present.
And yes, people tell me that one of them is leaving or has moved. They tell me they are leaving or have separated. None of these things derail me that much. Because I’ve seen a marriage like this (including my own) bounce. I know it can be done. The question, if not often: “is it too late to save my marriage?” Instead, it’s, “What am I going to do to save my marriage before it’s too late?”
Rather than worrying about setting a definition or restriction on your relationship, it is often far better to come up with an effective and workable plan. I learned this the hard way. Believe me when I say, it is almost never too late to save your marriage, but the longer you wait to take some effective and definitive action, the more difficult it becomes.