And then it was Friday

Like many people, I try to plan and organize my week so that I can accomplish as much as possible.

For example, on Monday morning, the Funny Parsonage Mistress gives me her “to do list” to complete by the end of the week. When she hands it to me, I smile and underneath that list I have hidden my “to do list” from her.

Not that I’m ignoring your list…well, maybe I am. But I don’t do it on purpose… well, maybe I do.

I have a priority with my “to do list” and most of the time I forget about hers.

Over the years, I’ve become quite adept at making excuses for why I haven’t completed your “to do list” on time. If there’s an excuse somewhere in the room, it’s in my pocket.

Most of the time I get away with it. I’m not bragging here, although I do lean a bit in that direction. But I have my own things that I need to do during the week.

If I don’t write my “to do list,” I’ll never remember what I’m supposed to do. I have a good memory, but I’m saving it for when I’m older and need more memory. Of course, by then I’ll forget everything I’ve remembered.

When it comes to memory, my wife beats the band. She remembers everything that has ever happened. Even those things that, in my opinion, never happened.

Quite often, he starts a conversation by saying, “Do you remember when…”

Then he continues with a story that for the life of me I can’t remember. Instead of being embarrassed, I play along and say, “Oh yeah, I remember.”

It’s easier to move on than to cause any kind of friction. I have no advantage in contradicting whatever story she may be telling. So far, I’ve gotten away with it, I’m glad to say.

That is, until once when telling a story he said to me, “Do you remember that person’s name?”

At the time, she didn’t know if it was a trick question to see if she was really paying attention or if she didn’t remember. I prefer the first one because of all the years I’ve known her I don’t remember anything she has forgotten.

Forgetting can sometimes be a blessing. If someone does something to you and hurts your feelings, the best thing to do is move on and forget about it.

Probably the worst area to forget something is with your wife. It’s not that I intentionally forget, it’s just that I forget.

I panic when he says, “Do you remember…” Because I’ve probably forgotten what he’s talking about at the time.

Another problem I have is my attention span. When my wife starts a long story, it’s very hard for me to pay close attention. By the time she’s in the middle of her story, I’m thinking of something on my “to do list.”

She can tell me a story 17 times and I always hear it for the first time.

After finishing one of his stories, the listening friends turned to me and said, “Is that what really happened?”

What should I say? As long as I’m not asked to verify certain elements of that story, I can go ahead and say, “Yes, as I recall, that’s how it happened.”

I got in trouble once. She was telling a story and in the middle she turned to me and said, “Honey, would you tell them the rest of the story for me?”

I can’t remember how I got out of that place, but it was the hardest place I’ve ever been. If I make something up, will you correct me in front of all our friends?

I’m not sure about this, but once he did it on purpose to trap me. Not wanting to embarrass her or myself in particular, I made up the rest of the story as best I could. While people laughed when I was done that was all that really mattered.

It was Friday morning, and my wife looked at me and said, “It’s Friday. Are you ready to go?”

“Go where?” Not knowing what she was talking about.

You looked at the “to do list” I gave you on Monday, right?

With a bit of a stutter, I assured him yes.

“So,” he said rather sarcastically, “you know what we’re going to do today?”

I had no idea what he was talking about. Finally, out of desperation, I looked at the “to do list”. There, in bold letters that I could never have missed, were these words: “Take your wife to a special Mother’s Day dinner on Friday.”

I looked at her, then I looked at the list, and I looked at her again.

“You didn’t look at that list on Monday, did you?”

I couldn’t help but think about what Solomon said. “Everything that comes to your hand to do, do it according to your strength; for there is no work, nor labor, nor knowledge, nor wisdom in Sheol, where you are going” (Ecclesiastes 9:10).

We had a wonderful lunch that Friday, a lunch I will remember for a long time.

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