There are many things that we as parents can do to make our daughters feel and be safe. Don’t wait until they’re teenagers to start teaching them (although it’s never too late to start).
1. From a young age, teach them the power of intuition.
Remember, we trust a lot more people than we distrust, so if your daughter feels uncomfortable around someone, it’s significant. We must teach our daughters to honor her gut instinct that something is not right. This requires practice. On outings, ask her daughter to tell you how she reacted to someone they just met. Make her aware of her first instinctive reaction: was it confidence, shyness, distaste?
2. Girls should be taught to react to the first signs, as this is when they can ward off most predators.
Teach your daughter to beware of strangers who try to be charming, offer unsolicited help and promises, and especially ignore your daughter’s refusal to help. This is the most universally significant sign of danger, as it is a sign that the predator is trying to control it. Teach her daughter that it is okay to be frank and even rude in this situation. Explain that you (and any truly innocent adult) would understand her rudeness if she turns out to be wrong. If girls don’t make the mistake of waiting for clear signals, then they can beat most predators.
3. Teach your daughter how to clearly communicate that she is not a target.
This includes staring, holding your gaze, immediately turning away, and raising your voice. Most predators will get the message and look for an easier target.
4. Teach your daughter to do the opposite of what she is told, since that is what the bully most fears your daughter will do.
If they say ‘don’t yell’, train your daughter to do just that!
5. Teach your teen about PCs, meaning privacy and control.
Sexual predators are not dangerous to your daughter if they do not have privacy and control. Therefore, if her daughter learns to recognize CP situations early, she can take steps to change the situation before it becomes dangerous. For example, if a girl notices that her driving instructor’s instructions take her out of populated areas, she can clearly say “I want to stay in familiar areas.” This clearly tells the predator that she will not be easy to control and, in most cases, the predator will abandon her plan. (Gavin DeBecker, Keeping the Gift Safe)
6. Enroll your daughter in martial arts or self-defense classes.
This is important because most people’s reaction when confronted with a loud, aggressive person to their face is to freeze. His mind goes blank, giving the attacker time to close in and take control. Martial arts will teach your daughter to react automatically in crises. Those precious first few minutes often make the difference in an attack, as most attackers will fold in the face of a serious defense. If you can’t afford classes, you can make a game of surprising your daughter at home and practicing quick responses.
7. Teach your daughter to exhale in crises.
Most people forget to breathe, which means their brain’s ability to think through crises disappears. The exhalation forces the body to start breathing again.
8. Your daughter needs to practice being aware of her surroundings.
Predators look for victims who are going to be easy targets: those who are on their phones, looking at the ground, daydreaming, listening to music… Teach your daughter to always take note of who is around her and what is going on. If she notices someone approaching her, she can usually identify them with step 3.
9. Teach your daughter to never get carried away.
Your chance to escape the situation is significantly reduced if you allow an attacker to move you to another location. When my girls ask ‘what do I do if they have a knife?’ I tell them ‘Fight. Yes, you maybe stabilize and you maybe you die, but your chances of surviving are pretty good. However, if you let them take you, you lose control over whether you live or die.”
10. Show your girls a couple of nasty and painful maneuvers, like a punch to the nose, that will buy them a few minutes to get away.
Practice practice practice.
Preparing your daughter to be safe does not mean making her afraid of the world. It means teaching her that there are techniques she needs to master in case she is ever attacked, just as we teach our children how to deal with fire. This is what I tell my daughters. They roll their eyes at my pop quizzes and challenges, but I see a quiet self-confidence in the way they carry themselves that assures me they’re ready to go out into the world.