Sometimes I hear from wives who are pretty sure their husband is going to leave them. Some of them simply have a strong feeling or suspicion that their husband is not happy. Others have husbands who have been very honest about the fact that he is considering moving. Many of the wives do not want to accept this. Some of them admit that the marriage does have problems, but most do not believe that the problem is serious enough to end the marriage. Most wives just want to buckle down, focus on the love that remains in the marriage, and try to save their family. The wife often thinks that if love is there, everything else can be fixed. Sometimes the husband notices this and starts to withdraw from her and starts to make the wife worry that he doesn’t love her the way she used to. So she puts two and two together and begins to believe that if she can make him “love her more”, he won’t want to leave anymore.
She might say, “I can tell by the way my husband acts that he doesn’t love me like he used to. And I know it’s not just my imagination, because he’s talked about moving out in the past.” First, she was going to do it in the fall, but then Thanksgiving and Christmas came around, so she didn’t do it. Then she got very frustrated with me again in March and I’m pretty sure she was looking for another place to live. , but her mother got sick, so she had to deal with it. Right now, I just want him to love me more so I don’t have to deal with this threat of moving every few months. I can’t keep waiting for issues to come up that will deter you from moving. How can I increase his love for me so that he doesn’t want to move out?”
Why you don’t want to leave any trace of tampering in this mix: This situation is so complicated on so many levels. First of all, the moment you try to “make” someone feel or do something, then you introduce elements of manipulation and desperation into the mix. Those things are never good. If a husband is already feeling a little upset, knowing that his wife is trying to “force” him to do something is not going to generate feelings of love. Usually she will encourage him to do the exact opposite; instead, he could back off and retreat. Worse yet, she can limit her access to him, which suddenly makes her job that much harder.
Take stock of what is positive: I don’t know you and even less do I know about your marriage. But she could be saying that her husband is still at her house. A man who was completely miserable or at the end of his rope would walk away and let nothing stop him, regardless of vacations or his extended family. If the situation was truly intolerable, he would go first and worry about the moment or the details second. I’m not saying I’m happy. I’m just saying the situation may not be telling yet. You may still have time.
I know your inclination right now is to panic and put more pressure on your husband. These are the last things she should do. Think about what initially attracted your husband. She probably wasn’t a panicked woman who wanted to claim him and hold him tight. No, she was probably a playful woman who listened intently when she spoke and expected the same from him.
Fixing what is fixable: A very good way to entice him to love you more is to take away the things that make him love the situation less. What I mean by that is that it is often the circumstances surrounding the marriage that bring out the feelings within it. He may have a hard time feeling love when he is so stressed that he can’t even spend quality time with his spouse. It can be hard to feel love when you’re fighting. The best thing you can do is create an atmosphere that is conducive to feelings of love, and then remove whatever pollutes that atmosphere. If you know it drives your husband crazy when you’re clingy, then stop. Control what you can, and this is normally his behavior, not his.