Sometimes I hear from women who are very disappointed because they expected that they would be engaged by now and they are not. Often, your boyfriend has led you to believe that an engagement was imminent, but it hasn’t turned out to be.
I heard a woman say, “We’ve been dating for about fourteen months and things have been going wonderfully. We’re so in love. My birthday is coming up in two weeks. For the past few months, we’ve talked about getting engaged and me getting a ring on my birthday. He even asked me what type I preferred and we had long conversations about it. We even talked about what type of wedding we wanted and started to rule out times of the year when we might want a wedding. He told his parents and I told the mine. Everyone seemed so excited. I even bought some bridal magazines and started talking to my boyfriend about who we might want in our wedding. A couple of days ago, I was at the mall and walked by a jewelry store window. I saw the most perfect ring that was in our price range.so i took a picture of it with my phone because i wanted to show it to my boyfriend so he would get it for my birthday.however when i showed it to him he fell off his face. He was obviously very upset. I asked him what was wrong and assured him that he was within our price range, but asked if he would rather choose the ring. on his own, that was fine too. He looked at me and said that it wasn’t really about the ring, but that he wouldn’t propose to me on my birthday. He said that he is not ready yet, although he assured me that he would eventually want to marry me. Now I am so confused as to what went wrong. We have not fought. There don’t seem to be any new problems. Everything was going as usual and then out of nowhere you just change your mind. Why would I have to do that? And what can or should I do about it?”
Actually, there are many reasons why a man might change his mind about a proposal or commitment. And many of these reasons have nothing to do with his relationship or even his feelings for you, which I’ll discuss below.
All the planning and excitement about the commitment may be making you feel pressured and therefore reluctant: This situation is not uncommon. Many men see you shopping for the bride’s magazines and planning the wedding she thought was a long way off. And now all of a sudden it seems like you’re planning it in the very near future. Suddenly, he realizes that the future may be much closer than he thought, and this may make him feel a little uneasy. Some men consider talking to their girlfriends about his concerns, but he sees your excitement and doesn’t want to let you down, so he doesn’t say anything until things escalate so much that he just decides to hold things off until he can control the situation. .
This does not mean that he no longer loves you as much as he always has. It’s just that he may feel that the proposal and commitment have become more important than what should matter most, and that is your love and your relationship. I have heard many men say that they feel that the ring or the engagement are more important to their girlfriends than the relationship. And this can become a problem because he may start to wonder if he has been manipulated.
How to handle it when you want to postpone the engagement or engagement: Many women in this situation want to know how to change their minds. They want that ring in time. It was understandable that this particular woman would want to find a way for him to go straight to that mall and get that ring in time for his birthday. And there was nothing wrong with her feeling that way. But, if she put her attention here, it might well seem to her boyfriend that the ring was more important to her than her worries. As hard as it is to divert her attention from her timeline and her ring, that’s what she must do. Because by doing so, she can ensure that she will eventually get the ring. But if he handles this incorrectly, you risk never getting it.
The best thing you can do is show compassion and concern. He wants to make it clear that his main concern is not for the ring, but for him. You want to make it clear that your happiness and comfort is your primary concern. You need to make it clear that he and your relationship are the most important variables to you, even more important than your birthday, engagement, or ring.
I know this is a difficult strategy. But do you know the good news? This makes it likely that you will eventually get the ring, and when you do, he will willingly give it to you because he knows that the relationship is just as important to you as the ring.