Here’s an often-debated question: Should Christian singles date more than one person at a time?
The reason it gets debated so often is because it’s such a murky question. Before we can begin to attack the question, we need to consider: what is the purpose of dating anyway? And shouldn’t we be ‘courting’ instead of ‘dating’?
What is the purpose of dating? According to today’s culture, it’s a way of meeting someone, hanging out with someone of the opposite sex, having someone escort you (or escort you) to an important event, or (depending on how worldly you are) a way to get a regular sexual partner. Courting is considered dating, but with one very important caveat: You are viewing this person as preparation for marriage. Therefore, courtship is usually considered much more serious.
So back to the original question (now that we have a working definition of dating), should Christians date more than one person at a time? what do you think about it?
I personally think it’s a bad idea. Why? Because, with all things, the more factors you throw into the pot, the more confusing things get. Let’s say you date Bill (who you like), you occasionally hang out with Tim (because he has a really cool car), and you’ve just started seeing Steve (because he’s so cool). What do you think will become of all these relationships? You like Bill, but he will most likely get lost in the shuffle as you juggle him and two other men. Tim is great, but he doesn’t have much to say for himself. However, you get a personal high from being seen in his Corvette, so you continue to mess around with him. And Steve? You may or may not like him, but you don’t know because you don’t have the time or energy to spend a lot of time with him! You’re dating three men, but you’re not having much fun. Are you having fun already?
I find it’s easier (and much more productive) to date just one person at a time. In a perfect world, I’d even recommend courtship, rather than dating. That way, both of you would know that what you are doing is getting to know each other and preparing for marriage with that person. But I recognize that we don’t live in a perfect world (and most men and women aren’t ready to commit until they spend more time with one person), so my best advice would be to just spend time with one. person. (When I say in earlier chapters that you should ‘keep your options open,’ this generally applies to someone you’ve just met. If you’ve been casually dating a few people and finally decide who you want to talk to seriously, then it’s time to finally close those options).
Why? Because your life is busy enough as it is: you have a church, you have your family, you have your friends, and possibly school and a job. Dating more than one person will definitely detract from all of these things. I believe your time will be much better spent doing things to build your life, your finances, and your relationship with God. And, as I mentioned in a previous chapter, Does being single mean putting your life on hold? When you’re single, you’re focused on God. And to serve you. As a married person, you will naturally begin to focus on pleasing your partner. So since you know that’s going to happen once you get married, it’s important as a single person to make sure God is your primary focus so you can have this relationship to build on (the one you have with God) when you’re married (because having a strong relationship with God is what will allow you to have a strong relationship with your husband). And you won’t be able to focus on your relationship with God if you’re dating multiple people at once!
So if you’re dating more than one person right now, seriously consider why that is. Don’t you find either of them very satisfying as a potential partner? Are you trying to be a player? Aren’t you looking to be serious right now? Or do you just think this is the norm?
And, after you’ve answered those questions, consider whether that’s the best use of your time. Only you know what is going on in your life, so only you can make that decision. I just hope (and pray) that you make the best decision for yourself.