As the parent of a tween or teen, you may think your son or daughter is years away from being in a ‘relationship.’ You may also believe that acai juice has the power to reverse global warming and fix the economy. Face it, most high school students are totally focused on the Boyfriend/Girlfriend Zone. What do you think all that instant messaging and texting is about? I am not suggesting that you are ready to create and maintain healthy romantic relationships. Gee, no! Many of them still have big challenges in the friendship department. But that doesn’t stop them from flirting, crushing, and being crushed.
Most tweens and teens are naturally curious about sex and relationships (two very different endeavors that our culture has sadly collapsed into one). They are also under tremendous social pressure to mate. There’s peer pressure, the media, and well, yes, even some parents who not-so-secretly bask in the reflected glory of their 7th grader’s popularity with the opposite sex. So they’re going to experiment with relationships, that’s a good thing, and that’s how they learn. But there’s no reason they need to stumble into the Bf/Gf Zone totally clueless. We should provide them with some ground rules, and I don’t mean Purity Commitments.
To help you and your child have these conversations (yes, there needs to be more than one), I’ve created a Relationship Bill of Rights. Please don’t put this on hold just because your child doesn’t have appointments yet. These rights apply not only to the Bf/Gf Zone, but also to friendships. Children need to be able to stand up for themselves in all relationships. Parents also need to model that assertiveness in their own lives.
Relationship Bill of Rights
- It is your right to have feelings for anyone you choose. Your friends may have opinions worth listening to, but who you are friends with or who you love is your choice.
- You have the right to express your feelings or keep them to yourself. Just because you have feelings for someone doesn’t mean you have to tell someone or do anything about it.
- You have the right to feel safe. It is important to feel physically and emotionally safe at all times when you are with another person If you don’t, speak up and/or get out of the situation as soon as possible.
- You have the right to be treated with respect. You deserve the opportunity to express your thoughts and feelings without fear. You have the right for the other person to listen to you. And what you have to say must be respected.
- You have the right to your own time (without feeling guilty). You can spend as much time as you want away from the other person, whether it’s hanging out with other friends, being with family, or doing something on your own.
- You have the right to say no. It’s your body and no one should push you when it comes to working out. It is also your right to say no to alcohol or drugs. If the other person ignores your “No,” then they are disrespecting you. (See #4)
- You have the right to open and honest communication, If something is going on in the relationship, you and the other person should talk about it.
- You have the right to end a relationship. It doesn’t matter what your reasons are. If you want to go out, go out. You don’t have to justify or explain how you feel to anyone.
Helping teens understand their rights can empower them to make healthier choices when you’re not around.