Inner happiness is an inside job; a mentality, an idea, a thought, a decision. It is a desire to see things differently. And it requires action, commitment and perseverance. It also requires letting go of grievances, and letting go of grievances requires letting go of the thought system we use to make them up. And it is in letting go of grievances that many of us get stuck. We like our grievances; they give us a sense of identity as they invoke feelings of loyalty and confirm the beliefs we hold dear in our family and tribal units. And our grievances allow us to enact the past roles we’ve chosen for ourselves: victim, hurt child, manipulator, etc. They are useful in that we can use them to tap into our sense of superiority or inferiority, depending on our mood, and more importantly, we can use them as evidence that we are “right” and they/you/they are ” wrong”. Unfortunately, despite its many attractive qualities, our complaints don’t make us happy. In fact, they keep us trapped in the past by reliving events that no longer exist only to re-experience the pain, since apparently, it wasn’t big enough the first time it happened: we like to milk the suffering to maintain our old, familiar identity. .
It is difficult to find inner happiness with the attitudes, thoughts and beliefs that sustain the grievances. When a grievance is resolved in our favor, we tend to think that this makes us happy. The reality is that the favorable resolution will stroke and calm the ego, inducing a temporary state of pleasure, but pleasure and happiness are two different things. Pleasure will always pass with the passing of the events or conditions that produced it, while happiness is independent of external conditions or accessories. A stoned junkie will experience the short-term pleasure of a dose, but knowing that you are feeding the addiction to it probably won’t create the feelings or thoughts associated with a blissful state.
Like any habit that disempowers or causes pain, letting go of old thought systems that no longer serve us requires a process of identification, release, and replacement; it takes a little time and some patience, but as a wise person once said, “nothing changes if nothing changes”. Albert Einstein put it this way: “We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking that we used when we created them.” The following five steps can be used to harness your time, attention, and energy to create greater inner happiness using the power of choice:
1. As mentioned above, the first step to greater inner happiness is learning to tell the difference between pleasure and happiness. Much of our unconscious or addictive behaviors are the result of choosing the temporary relief of pleasure over the more truly satisfying state of happiness, despite knowing that the consequences will lead to increased unhappiness. Why is this? As we choose to indulge in the short-term pleasure of the moment, we also choose to deny or ignore the consequences of our decision and its products, but when we bring our awareness to our decision, we can clearly see how the two paths and effects will unfold. it will have on us, both in the short and long term. Consciously looking at the long-term effects now gives us an influence that will motivate us to choose happiness when the going gets tough or complicated.
For example, when a smoker trying to quit has a craving, unless they have a reason (motivation) to stay strong, they are very likely to go back to their old habits and start smoking. That’s a short-term pleasure that wears off quickly, still leaving us longing for something to make us feel safe, secure, and comfortable. The same smoker who has the same craving but previously decided that he would be happier as a non-smoker because he thought or imagined all the unpleasant consequences of not smoking and all the benefits of quitting now has the incentive to stick it out for as long as the craving lasts. This person is moving toward his goal by making a strong decision to choose happiness over pleasure, and now he can build on the success of that decision, and have a much better chance of quitting.
2. The second step is learning to let go of grievances. By grievances, I mean anything from the past that doesn’t serve your well-being or inner happiness. A line from A Course in Miracles sums up this idea nicely “Would you rather be right or happy?” Clinging to the past is an exercise in futility: it’s over, let it go. You don’t need to be right, and you don’t need the drama involved in defending your position. If you have trouble getting over resentments, ask yourself what is the purpose of holding on to old offenses. Does it make you happy, joyful or peaceful? Or tie you in knots, full of bitterness and hostility? If holding on to something that now only exists in your mind doesn’t make you happy, try choosing what will make you happy instead.
3. The third step is to ask better questions. This is the art of discernment, or applying insight and learning to think from the result to now. If you don’t know the answers to life’s important questions, how will you know when you’ve arrived? Get in the habit of continually asking yourself a series of questions to fuel your growth and expansion. that is, if you were to enjoy a state of inner happiness that remains undisturbed by external influences, what kind of person would you have to be? What qualities would you have? What attributes and characteristics would you have? What do I have to do, learn or eliminate to be that person? Do the beliefs and assumptions that you hold to be true hold true for you today? In this difficult situation, what could be of benefit to you? What lesson can you learn? How can you use this to make yourself stronger? and so
If you persistently ask the questions that relate to an increase in your joy, peace of mind, confidence, prosperity, etc. with faith and with the expectation of being answered, you will get the answers. Then, of course, you have to take the appropriate action necessary in the process of becoming that person.
4. Take care of yourself. Learn to put yourself and your happiness at the top of your care list. Take time to eat nutritiously, drink plenty of water, get fresh air and exercise every day, have a routine, meditate, get plenty of sleep, and laugh often. And practice saying no to others: someone else’s crisis doesn’t make it urgent to you, unless you choose to make it urgent. Take a break from the hectic, hectic pace of everything demanding your attention – sit still, rest and rejuvenate in silence.
5. Separate and observe. Practice being an observer of your own thoughts, feelings, reactions, and habits to get a different perspective on what’s going on. This is great practice if you feel like you’re “overly sensitive” – by moving away from the subjective point of view, you gain a broader perspective, have a greater compassion for all players, and a greater appreciation for “elders.” image” that frees you from having to take things personally. Recognizing and reminding yourself that you are more than your thoughts, feelings, body or behavior gives us some distance from the circumstances that seem to press us.
Achieving greater inner happiness is about making better choices for you personally: take the time to train your mind by practicing the five basic exercises to distinguish between pleasure and happiness and choosing happiness over short-term pleasure; letting go of grievances so that your focus and attention is on the now, which is the only time one can be effective; ask insightful questions to receive empowering answers; take care of the basics and say no to others; and by detaching and observing your thoughts and reactions, you will be rewarded in all areas of your life and experience a higher level of inner happiness that is not dependent on external conditions. Not only will you experience the benefits, but your near and dear ones will also be blessed with the overflow, a nice bonus for very little effort.