Well, this is going to be a quick study, because let’s face it, I think most of us Gen Xers listen to music a lot more than we go to the movies (well, Oscar-caliber movies, anyway. ..no Tyler Perry or “Superbad type movies” in this room). I thought I’d be missing all night until the nominees for best visual effects were announced. In fact, I saw TWO of these movies: “Transformers” and the winner “The Golden Compass”. (Yeah!) Other than that, I was just an ignorant bystander, so I guess I’ll be watching a couple screens, or NetFlix, to catch up. Still, even with my limited knowledge of the subject, I couldn’t let the “awards season event” go by without at least a few comments…
1. High definition is wreaking havoc in Hollywood: people look very, very bad in high definition: wrinkles, crow’s feet and yellow teeth, wow!
2. Wesley Snipes was wearing a purple tuxedo… first of all, let me back up: WHY was he there? All good with the taxman, so now all good to go back out in the general population? Great… but let’s upgrade our wardrobe to the 21st century, okay? And “his date” Spike Lee also looked weird, dressed in black and white with a hat. Guys, “Mo’ Betta Blues” was like 10 years ago…
3. Who still dresses Jennifer Hudson in white or light-colored dresses? And without sleeves? I already told you before, she has a hater in her camp…
4. Where and when did Renee Zellweiger get the loot?
5. Genuine Non-Hollywood Moment: Sweetly surprised, award-winning Marion Coutillard (“La Vie En Rose”) won over the audience with her short tearful but joyful acceptance speech in which she searched her memory for whom to thank and was It just happened, “…thanks life, thanks love…”
6. Strippers of the world, raise your glasses: Diablo Cody, writer of the year’s sleeper hit, “Juno,” took the stage to accept her award in a faded tiger print, ½ mini/½ gown, complete with her colorful sailor tattoo on the shoulder… yes, you can! It’s a celebration, bitches! (And he even kept her stripper name!)
7. Will we ever find out the secret little joke that Jack Nicholson always laughs at every time he talks? The man always laughs as if he knows a lot of things that we don’t.
8. The show started with Achievements in Costume Design… who chose that to start with? What a way to keep the audience waiting (and bored). At the Grammys, this would have been one of those awards that scrolled across the bottom of the screen, something that happened on the non-televised portion of the show that same afternoon. I couldn’t tell you the name of the woman who won, however, her dress was so hideous (brown, sparkly, sleeveless, low back) and so weird looking it made me wonder how she qualified for Achievement in Fashion Designer. suits. Clearly, she put more than herself into her work.
9. The awards were about 50 minutes long, and if anyone stayed up to watch the last one, they must have wondered the same thing I did: didn’t he present Denzel Washington as if he had been sleeping all night and just woke up? to make her offer? His eyes were all red and puffy. (He rocked that cool cut and tuxedo, though! Note to Wesley and Spike, uh, my man “Bleek” stepped it up…and it came in 2008.)
10. Overall Summary: Jon Stewart was fine as host; only really funny to me when he spouted political jokes. And if you don’t already know, “No Country for Old Men” was the evening’s big winner for acting and directing, and “The Bourne Ultimatum” must be something of a super technical masterpiece, winning multiple sound awards. and editing. So if, like me, he hasn’t seen anything, he can check out some of them. Finally, I offer two lists:
BEST BOYS
HD seems to have less of an effect on men…regardless of their age, no one seemed overly stressed or exhausted. And there were a significant number of hotties in the room and on the red carpet: George Clooney, Dwanye “The Rock” Johnson, Javier Bardem, Colin Farrell, Patrick Dempsey, Denzel Washington, Steve Carrell.
THE WORST GIRLS
Unfortunately, I have to mention once again that HD is definitely not the thing… these ladies should stay far, far away: Cameron Diaz (and pink is NOT her color), Jennifer Garner, Penelope Cruz ( I thought Latin didn’t break?), Hilary Swank, Tilda Swinton (not that her face was weathered or wrinkled. She’s just too white to be seen in sharp HD; my eyes hurt when she hit the screen in her black dress without sleeves. I guess she IS the White Witch of Narnia, really.)
Until next time – THE SWEETEST!