As I research the topic of older women dating younger men, I’m a bit surprised to see some statistics flowing “across the pond” in the UK, as well as here in the US. Getting the following from BBC and NBC Network News, I felt it was important to share it with you. It seems that the “craze” of cougars is more than just a mania. It seems that older women are also going beyond simply establishing control of their careers. They are branching out to unabashedly embrace their passion for life and enjoy it with a man who can keep up with them and stimulate them in and out of the boudoir. For those naysayers who tell me that a younger man is “just looking for sex” and won’t seriously consider marrying an older woman (I hear it more from older men who feel threatened by these younger ones), these statistics will be an eye-opener. open?
30% of all women meet the requirements to be a Cougar woman.
35% of women who are not currently dating prefer younger men.
34% of women over the age of 40 date younger men.
17% of 50-year-old women prefer 40-year-old men.
25% of older British women are married to younger men.
(Source: BBC documentary: “Sugar Mummies.” The Today Show, NBC, November 21, 2009)
Older men who are threatened by younger men trespassing on their territory say that younger men only want older women for sex and financial security. If you look at the top reasons young women date older men, it can be argued that they want older men for financial security. Older men want younger women for sex. Older men claim that marriages between younger men and older women will not last. Perhaps they will last as long as marriages between older men and younger women. The difference is that the sex will be better for the older woman; Or as one Cougar told me, “My ex-husband was 70 when we got divorced. If I’m going to have sex with a man, it’s going to be with a man whose skin still looks good on him.”
I guess if it’s okay for older men for younger women to love them for what they can provide, why shouldn’t it be okay for them for younger men to love older women for the same? I guess these men resent knowing that older women have more to offer a younger man: maturity, confidence, sexiness, sexuality, financial stability, perspective, and an older woman’s libido is more like a younger man’s. . This can’t necessarily be said about the older man; unless, of course, he’s taking Viagra.
Older women know more than they want and don’t play the games that younger women do. I consult with thousands of men and women and they regularly tell me that the union between them is much more satisfying on many levels (not just sex, but it sweetens the equation) than the relationships with men their own age.
Older women say their eyes wander when a handsome young man walks by and they date someone their age or older. They look at their dining partner and think, “Am I going to run to the drugstore and buy him Depends in 5 years?” They look at the deep wrinkles in her skin, notice the yellow/gray of her teeth and receding hair, wonder if she’ll be able to keep up with them on the hiking trail or dancing until dawn, and then her mind wanders. the man 20 years younger who passionately kissed them in the doorway at midnight while they were walking along the boardwalk.
They tell me they sometimes wonder why they resisted dating younger men for so long. They discounted them because of their age. It wasn’t until they really got to know some of these young men that they realized that many of them have the maturity and wisdom of older men and gravitate toward older women with whom they feel they have something in common.
Choosing a younger man to date is no different than choosing a man your age or older to date. You still have the same criteria, you just look for it in a younger package. Even a 50-year-old man can be immature, obtuse, and boring. What a man is at 50, he was at 25, so don’t think that just because a man is younger he’ll qualify.
But once you challenge your own ageism bias and date some younger men, you’ll be pleasantly surprised at how much you have in common. The right young man for you will be sensitive, funny, talkative, a good listener, a strong shoulder, and will offer you the devotion and passion you may have craved but couldn’t find in someone whose attitudes were shaped in the 1960s and 1970s.
Who knows? You just might end up with another very happy Cougar stat!