“I don’t want to spend Easter with him!” Well, maybe not all day. In fact, you don’t even have to face him when you get up to see what’s in your basket. But can’t they eat together sometime during the holidays? Even if it’s in a restaurant, can’t you and your ex celebrate some of the traditional family occasions together?
Your children will feel much better if they see you participate in normal activities together from time to time. They will enjoy having both parents at their birthday parties, graduation celebrations, and anything else that requires a cake and gifts. They will enjoy seeing you both at your games, parent / teacher conferences, and medical appointments. Do you think you can do it? Here are suggestions that can help.
1. Make sure your current partner and your ex have met. Spend some time together without the kids. Double dates with your ex and their new partner can be awkward at first, but anyone can be polite enough for a cup of coffee or lunch. You don’t have to eat in a formal restaurant or go to the movies. Just find a quiet, comfortable place to talk together and learn from each other.
2. Talk to your own lover about your family situation before committing yourself. Don’t exclude her from the meeting, but make sure she understands how important continued contact with your ex is to your children. Too many times, parents get along together until a new lover appears. So adult jealousy interferes with strong parenting relationships.
Don’t let your new relationship destroy your good employment agreement with your children’s other parent. The kids were there first, and raising them on a strong emotional foundation is more important than a new love interest who is too insecure to let you fully participate in their lives.
3. Even if you don’t like the other parent’s current grip, treat it with courtesy and respect. You don’t have to share the deepest concerns of your soul with her. All they have to do is be polite when they see each other at Wal-Mart or at trade-in. Being unpleasant only makes a difficult situation more difficult. A little superficial sympathy won’t kill either of you.
There are situations that make the advice in this article impractical. If there was abuse or violence in the old relationship, continual exposure to trauma is not good for you or your children.
If drugs, alcoholism, violence, or some other equally reprehensible behavior are not involved, being able to treat your ex and family like normal human beings could go a long way in helping your children relax and accept all the new people in. their post-divorce lives. . They will be better adapted to the situation if they see that you are.