Emotional cousins

I often tell my clients about the five emotions that act like cousins ​​when they come in groups:

1. Fear: This emotion is often difficult to identify or recognize. There is an old expression that says, “Big boys don’t cry.” Those with a military background are hesitant to show weakness, and despite the traumatic experiences they have had, they usually don’t even want to talk about the fear they had.

Some people are afraid that they are not wanted or wanted. They let fear lead them into horrible circumstances in which their needs are sacrificed. Others are afraid to start something new in case they fail or look foolish.

2. Control – Unfortunately, control is misleading, especially when we think that we can control things or people to ensure the desired result. Incorrect! There are some things we can control, but they are limited to our own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.

3. Perfectionism – It is acceptable to make mistakes! That is part of being human. Those who live to be perfect are often caught up in a set of standards that they have created themselves. They think that certain things must be done in a certain period of time and they lose the ability to show forgiveness and grace to themselves and to others.

4. Worry – Years ago I had a client who said, “Worry is praying to the devil.” That surprised me, but at the same time, I could see how it made sense to her. Those who worry chronically often suffer from physical problems such as ulcers, heart problems, and migraines. They tend to focus on difficulties or problems over which they have no power, and therefore their worry is ineffective but exhausting.

5. Anxiety – This is a natural response to stress that can be rational or irrational. For example, the stress associated with going to a job interview, giving a speech, or meeting someone new is rational. On the other hand, when you find yourself frequently saying “What if …?” You may find that your anxiety is totally irrational.

There are several things you can do to deal with these five cousins:

1. Limit substances like alcohol, caffeine, and drugs.

2. Have a regular bedtime routine and get plenty of rest. You may find that a weighted blanket helps.

3. Make sure you eat nutritious food and water regularly every day.

4. Exercise to activate your natural endorphins (pain reducers and mood stabilizers)

5. Take some time and practice your self-talk (say what you want).

6. Take deep breaths to slow down your mind and body.

7. Count slowly to 10 (or 100) before responding to difficult situations or thoughts.

8. Treat yourself as kindly as you would a good friend.

As in any family, each of these cousins ​​has unique traits and ways of manifesting in our lives. The good news is that you have the ability to deal with each of them. Be good at being aware of their presence and implementing positive strategies and they will soon know that you are in charge, not them!