Mid life! That wonderful period of confusion, reassessment, stagnation and change … Welcome! Suddenly the familiar is unknown. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to have a map?
Middle age is a normal developmental stage of life. It can be a positive and conscious process of the whole person you will be in your second adulthood. It can not be helped. Living long enough is as inevitable as adolescence was. You may experience loss, change, and abandonment of much of what you bring to middle age. Prepare and pay attention and you can complete this journey with a minimum of effort.
Dan Johnston, http://www.lessons4living.com/index.htm, reminds us that in middle age, we focus on becoming who we are supposed to be rather than what we think others want us to be. We examine and evaluate every aspect of our lives and search for a deeper meaning.
Suzanne Braun Levine, http://www.suzannebraunlevine.com, author of Inventing the Rest of Our Lives: Women in Second Adulthood, identifies two important steps to take to rise in middle age:
1. Recognize that change takes time and allow yourself to move at your own pace.
2. Surround yourself with a circle of friends who listen, support, suggest and sympathize with you.
To these, I would add:
3. Actively explore and resolve the seven key midlife decisions.
What are these seven decisions?
1. What will my legacy be?
2. What meaningful work do I want to do now?
3. How can I satisfy my need to nurture?
4. How can I maintain meaningful relationships in my life?
5. How can I express myself creatively?
6. How can I meet my spiritual needs?
7. What environment do I want?
Because middle age generally involves redefining purpose, the first key decision is legacy. What do you hope to leave the world? How do you want to be remembered? Within that context, the second key decision has to do with meaningful work. As more people enter the workforce late or retire early, it is important to examine the role work will play in second adulthood and also examine what work is. Many may find part-time employment, volunteering, or some form of entrepreneurship interesting options.
As we age, our family and social structures change. The next two decisions address this change. As parents and children age, responsibilities change. For some, this means dealing with being the filling of the family sandwich. For others, this means dealing with separation and loss. For those who have not had children, as well as for those who have adult children, new ways of parenting are emerging, from being the “fun” aunt to raising pets. As friendship patterns change, we are faced with finding new relationships or finding alternative ways to maintain old ones.
The next two questions are about self-rearing. Part of staying vibrant is finding outlets for creative expression, from writing to visual arts, from crafts to culinary excellence. As you encourage your mind to grow, you must also find ways to nurture your spirit. This decision may involve becoming more involved in your childhood religion or exploring other forms of spirituality. It can mean going to a house of worship or communing with nature, or both.
Finally, the environment becomes more and more important as we age. Finding the right environment can be crucial to your ability to implement the other six decisions and can also include considerations that are not on the list. Who do you want to be close to? How will you access the things you need, perhaps including medical care or support services?
Camus said: “In the middle of winter I finally knew that there was an invincible summer in me.” Create a meaningful map for each of the key decisions and use that map to navigate middle age. Find the way to your invincible summer.