Sometimes I hear from people whose spouse is sure they are cheating when they are not. Sometimes, the spouse thinks that he has seen or “caught” something, when in fact what he is seeing is a misunderstanding. However, it can be difficult to explain this or make your spouse believe that nothing inappropriate has happened.
Here is an example. A wife might say, “Something so horrible happened last week. And I’m afraid it’s going to ruin my marriage. But honestly, I haven’t done anything wrong. My husband wasn’t home. He’s best friends with a man I’ve known.” all his life. This guy was his next door neighbor growing up. Needless to say, this guy is always at our house. He’ll come in and help himself to whatever’s in the fridge. I’ve always considered him a friend too. anyway he came and my husband wasn’t home i was hoping he would go but he said he wanted my husband to lend him a tool and he knew where the tool was in the house i let him in then he proceeded to tell me he had something I had to confess. He told me he had always had romantic feelings for me that he couldn’t deny anymore. Then he kissed me. I was so stunned. I turned my face away and definitely did. I didn’t kiss him back. I told him I thought it would be a good idea to leave. He kept talking about how mo could… don’t stop thinking about me After he left, I thought he must have been drinking. I’ve been alone with him countless times and nothing like this has ever happened to me. I debated for a long time whether to tell my husband. I decided not to for a couple of reasons. First, this man means a lot to my husband. He is like a brother to him. I didn’t want to cause my husband the pain of knowing that this guy was out to betray him. Second, he left when I asked him to and I honestly think he was drunk and that he wasn’t in full control of his actions. So I decided that since nothing happened, I would say nothing and hope it would never happen again. The problem is that the other guy told my husband. But he left out the part about me basically asking him to leave. He apologized to my husband, but he told him that he was in love with me. Now, my husband thinks that there is something between the friend and me. there is nothing happened. I cheated on my husband when we were dating over a decade ago. But I have never cheated on him since we got married. And he never would. But he is acting like I did. I don’t know what to do. But it hurts me that he takes this on me.”
I understand why you’re hurt. You are being punished for a crime you didn’t even commit. But chances are you’ll still be punished for the previous episode of cheating, even if it was a long time ago.
Remember how you said you didn’t tell your husband because you knew how hurt he was going to be? Well, you’re seeing that pain now. And that is why he is acting the way he is. I’m not saying he’s right. But his emotions are leaking out of him because he is so hurt to think that this man, who is like a brother to him, is trying to cheat on his wife. I don’t know if not telling him about the pass was the right decision or not. Your intentions were good, but she’s probably wondering why you kept it from her if you didn’t do anything wrong or nothing happened.
However, in the coming days and weeks, I might think about this a bit more. He may start to wonder when you would have betrayed him. He might start looking at the calendar or checking emails or text messages and realize that there has been no communication between the two of you except when it comes to him. And it is quite possible that the other man, not wanting to lose her husband’s friendship, will be honest and tell her husband that nothing really happened and that every inappropriate action was his and his alone.
This can happen without you having to do anything. And her husband may realize her mistake and apologize to you. If this doesn’t happen, he would continue to calmly repeat the same true story. And I was wondering if the relationship really healed from the previous episode of cheating. If not, then it would make sense for her husband to expect the worst now. It is never too late to finally address the previous cheating if she has swept it under the rug. It is better to finally heal that wound than to let it continue to fester.