There’s no denying that special occasions that occur while you’re on a trial breakup can be awkward, to say the least. One of the special occasions that is sometimes more confusing is the anniversary. You may not be sure how you are supposed to recognize it. On the one hand, many wives see it as an opportunity. What better day to try to do or say something to win your husband back? But most know that this plan is not without risk. If you do or say something wrong, you have done it on a day that is sacred.
Someone might describe this dilemma: “My husband and I have been separated for about four months. It was his decision to separate. Everyone who knows us knows that I didn’t want the separation and now I’m pretty miserable. My family supports me. I’m close to my husband’s family. I’m not going to stop communicating with them just because my husband is confused right now. That would be cruel and too much to ask of me. Our 15th anniversary is in a couple of weeks. My “Mother-in-law has insisted on having a meeting for us at her house. I expressed my concern that it might be awkward considering the separation. But she insists on doing this. She says that she loves us and that she wants us to be together as a family. Apparently , my husband has agreed to this. My mother-in-law has told me that she is going to ask me to say a few words before dinner and that I should take the opportunity to say something to try to win my husband back. She wants me to let’s get back together, but she worries me that my husband won’t appreciate this plan. I don’t mind saying a few words, but I’m not sure what to say. And I’m not sure how my husband is going to react to this. What words should I say during my separation to get my husband back?”
Respect the occasion without adding pressure: This situation is potentially complicated. I suspect it’s unrealistic to think that you can just refuse to say something or pretend it’s not your anniversary. Everyone knows she is, as evidenced by her mother-in-law’s plans. And it would be a shame not to acknowledge that they’ve been together for so long, even though they’ve had some tough times lately.
At the same time, I think it might be a mistake to push the situation so hard. In my experience, a reconciliation often doesn’t happen because someone said a few words in the course of a day or on one occasion. Instead, it occurs over a series of occasions and is a gradual process.
That doesn’t mean you can’t say something heartwarming and heartfelt. But I think it’s a mistake (and could be setting up an awkward exchange) if you and your mother-in-law assume there are some magic words that will lead to reconciliation.
Say something true, but sure: I would suggest just trying to make the day a happy occasion where a family gets together to spend time together. That is certainly cause for celebration. Things may not go exactly the way you want. But still, you are all healthy and you will all be together. Not everyone has that luxury.
When it’s time to say a few words, I’d suggest keeping things positive, but simple. How about “I feel so lucky to be here with all of you. I love this family and hope we all have many more celebrations to come. Thank you for being here with me today.”
You haven’t said anything that could be offensive or uncomfortable. And he made it clear that not only does he appreciate her mother-in-law’s kindness, but she loves her husband, she loves her family, and she hopes that they will all meet again next year. You don’t say it directly, but your words make it clear that you expect a reconciliation. And at the same time, if her husband is not ready to hear this, the words could also be interpreted in another way.
Yes, you’re playing it safe a bit, but you’re also trying to make sure everyone has fun on a day that should remain special and free of awkwardness. Hopefully, it’s also laying the groundwork for better days to come.