Are you a white man who is attracted to black women even though you have trouble approaching them? Frankly, approaching a black woman is no different than approaching any other woman. However, there are some underlying issues that are affecting how white men deal with interracial dating.
In my opinion, the reasons white American men find it difficult to approach black American women is due in part to stereotypes about black women. Unfortunately, stereotypes are distributed by the mainstream media. Second, white men are often haunted by the “what if” factor. The “what if” factor is basically the fear of the unknown. Some popular “what ifs” are: “what if she says no?”, “what if she laughs at me?”, “what if she doesn’t like my fair skin?”, “what if she has a boyfriend? “, “what if she only likes black guys” “what if she attacks me?”…well, you get the picture. Third, pressure from family and/or friends can sometimes be the cause of not getting involved with a black woman.
Now let’s tackle these issues:
Stereotypes/Social Stigmas: Contrary to rap music, rap videos, VH1, BET, and other sources of “hot news,” Black women are not gold-digging, oversexing, man-eating hood rats. Black women also don’t believe that every white man they come across sits on their front porch wearing Klan robes carving wood. Until both parties understand and acknowledge stereotypes for what they are, dating or getting married will continue to be difficult.
The “What If” Factor – Gentleman, rejection is a normal part of dating. Sometimes you win, you lose something. Don’t take it personally. For every black woman who says no, there will be 5 who will say yes. It’s that easy. Being rejected by a black woman is no different than being rejected by a non-black woman. There are no 21 gun salutes, no fireworks, no explosions if a black woman rejects you!
Friends and family: Pressure from friends and family is often the biggest opponent for white men to date black women. Don’t fall into this trap and risk your happiness based on someone else’s views and opinions. You may find yourself stuck in an unhappy situation and always regret that you did not follow your heart.
Ok, now that we’ve got the underline out of the way, let’s move on to the secrets of focusing:
In general, we (black women) are socially conditioned to believe that white men are not attracted to us. Many times we miss the subtle hints that white men give because we are used to the aggressive approaches that black men tend to display. However, black women across the country are beginning to pick up on these clues, opening their minds and responding in kind. With that said, let’s run through a few scenarios:
Scenario 1- Grocery Store:
Okay, you see a hot black woman standing on the baking or pasta island. When you approach her, make sure you have a food item in her hand. Start by asking a question about the product, such as “Excuse me, can you give me any advice on xyz” or “Do you know how to cook xyz?” Better yet, ask for a review on product xyz. Tell him you read a review about it and wanted to try it out. Another idea that works is to explain to her that her little niece asked her to pick up the xyz item…or this is the first time she’s actually cooking xyz…ask her the baking time…and so on. . The point is that you are trying to strike up a conversation without being too pushy or threatening. If you happen to be in the produce section, ask him if he knows how to cook fresh broccoli… or what the difference is between kale and mustard. Tell him you’re single and planning a home cooked meal for your mom…what does he suggest you cook for dinner? During small exchanges, be VERY aware of her body language and her responses. If her answers are very short, that means that she is in a hurry or that she is not interested. If she looks you in the eye a lot, smiles, or tries to drag out her answers, she’s interested.
Scenario 2: the shopping mall/clothing store
Same premise as above. You see an attractive black woman looking at clothes. You walk up to her in a sweater/shirt/tie. Ask for an opinion on the style or color. Tell him you were invited to a wedding… you haven’t worn a suit in a long time… how does xyz see you? Let’s say you’re buying something for a little brother, a sister, a nephew. Anything that gives her the impression that you need her advice. Look for wedding rings, ring marks, or any other clues that give you the impression that she is single or interested.
Scenario 3- Eye Contact
Nothing irritates us more than a white guy looking and NOT saying anything (or looking and looking away). This is probably the biggest complaint I constantly hear from black women. Folks, you must master the art of “eye flirting.” It’s imperative if you don’t want to look like a pervert or a loser. If you want her to know you want her, give her a few lingering glances followed by a flirtatious smile. Better yet, if you’re surprised by a beautiful black woman, try the “triangle formulation.” This involves looking a woman into her eyes, then into the woman’s mouth and chin, into the rest of her body, and back into her eyes. Sexy!
In conclusion, if you are shy or have a hard time meeting eligible black women in your area, try sites that cater to interracial dating. This helps weed out women who are not dating white men and saves you a lot of time and hurt feelings. It also boosts your confidence. Remember that the purpose of online dating is to eventually meet someone. Don’t use this method as a social crutch. Above all, have fun and don’t take things personally!